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SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT
I leap a barrel and slide under some piping, hiding there for a moment. I can hear there footsteps behinds me, the hoard as I now tend to think of it.
It was the kids. When the wifi dropped out the adults just went back to using ethernet cables and carried on with their lives, but the kids couldn't grasp the concept. "A wire?" one had said "I don't get it". I think the loss of internet had lowered their collective IQ around 50 points.
The footsteps grew closer "He must've ran into that warehouse, I have some signal over here!". I take a deep breath and slide out of my hiding place. I hate how easily they can track me. I make it out the back door just as they enter the front, but they see me go. "Guys he just went out the back!" "Hey my cat picture uploaded!"
Running down a back alley I come to a low fence. Six months ago I wouldn't have been able to climb it, but after running so long I vault straight over it. I slow to get my breath back and emerge from the other end of the alley. The hoard is there.
Maybe 300 kids are staring at me, none of them look older than 17. If you've ever walked down the street, seen some hoodies and felt a bit scared to walk past them... magnify it by a thousand and then arm them all with mobile phones and laptops.
None of them move. I'm still breathing heavily.
"He's not running, the wifi signal is dropping out. Get him!"
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT
I make for a gap in the crowd, as they start to mob me, whacking me with their phones to motivate me to run. Oh god.
I sprint up the road and the crowd follows me at a jog, uploading selfies of them running, their fitness statistics and tweeting each other a meme about bears.
Well at least one thing has come out of this.
The childhood obesity epidemic is over.
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