[WP] While cleaning your basement, you accidentally free the worlds smallest genie. You do not hear him tell you he will grant your three next wishes.

From the Reddit Post:
[WP] While cleaning your basement, you accidentally free the worlds smallest genie. You do not hear him tell you he will grant your three next wishes.


Unfinished and unposted

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It was so peaceful. I was in a log cabin in the forest when it happened. I'd gone there to try and finish my book, getting away from the noise of the city.

My typewriter sat in front of me, on the one lonely desk. I'd bought it on ebay, I thought it somehow *better* to write on a typewriter if i'm going into the forest to "commune with nature". I miss my laptop. I miss the internet. I miss having more than a bed and a desk.

It was so quiet, not even the whine of a fan. I sat and closed my eyes and just listened for a moment.

There was a tiny high pitch noise. It was very faint, I looked around to see where it was coming from. Something tiny was moving on the desk. Looked too small to be an ant. I went to my "survival kit" and pulled out a magnifying glass. I'd thought I could use to to start fires out here. Didn't think I'd use it for much else.

Putting the glass over the tiny thing, it looked... humanoid? I could hear its sqeaking but it was still too quite to hear it properly.

I went over to my bag. I didn't bring my laptop but I brought my dictorphone at least. It had most of my notes on it so I sort of needed it. Taking out an earbud I plugged in my headphones and put the microphone near the... tiny creature thing. setting it to simultanious record and playback I turned up the volume.

"^^^and ^^I've ^been following you for three years! Three frikken years since you trod on me. You don't even deserve your wishes. Don't you ever just say  'Oh I wish such and such?' No, you don't. you don't even *think* it. Bastard."

I leaned down with the magnifying glass "Erm.. hello? you've been doing what for three years?"

"Oh you can hear me now" it was at this point I twigged that its accent, whilst high pitch, was definitly scottish. "Three years ago you were digging through your grandma's stuff in the basement godresthersoul, you stepped on my magik cup and summoned me. I've been followed you around ever since waiting to grant you wishes.

Airship Pilot

I am quite sure I finished more of this story than this, but I can't find a single trace of that finished copy.

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*Boom*
...And now zero.
The airship rocked from the exploding engine, lurchin to one side. The whole of the barge hung at a tilt, suggesting we'd lost gas in one side.
Thank got I'd upgraded to helium last year or the whole bag would have exploded.
I checked the dials again. Gas bags 2-4 were on half normal-pressure, meaning shrapnel from engine 2 had ripped up the entire left side.
I checked engines 1, 3 and 4, and then pushed up to full throttle.
"c'mon c'mon" I silently prayed to Arya not to lose any more gas. We where still 2 miles from the border between Viscount Omarch and the Dark Duke. I don't want to think about what happens if we land and get caught. The Viscount is known for... no don't think about it.
I could hear the engines humming.
3 and 4 sounded fine, to the right, but the left engine, 1 sounded...
"Fred get eyes on engine 1, if it's been shot I'll have to dump it and then we're screwed"
"Captain, s'onfire"
*Oh you too, you bastard. I'm not letting you take us out.*
I pushed out of the my chair and reached for a lever I was hoping never to use. Squeezing the lock and pulling it to the floor I heard a stutter and then quiet from the left side.
"I think you hit a farmhouse Captain" Fred called up.
Too late to think about that now. We're Down to two engines, with not enough gas to stay airbourne. We are Farked.
"Fred, get up here."
Fred scrambled up into the cockpit. He's a good lad, enthusiastic, and good with engines. Bit weird though.
"We're going down. We may make it half a mile before we're ground bound. We've got maybe 8 minutes at the rate we're losing gas before we're kissing daisies, but I'll try and make it smooth enough not to kill us both. Go and grab food, water and blankets from the hold and come back here. You have 2 minutes."
As I spoke his face went a pale white under the dirt and grime. he scurried off in the direction of the hold and I turned to the safe

The King and Me.

Preface
This is the beginning of a story I started on, about a young woman and a slightly footless wizard. I'm not sure whether I'll finish it, but I quite like it, and so I'm posting it here.

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It all Begins Somewhere (Annabelle)

Annabelle walked up the large marble steps towards the palace. It was so large and grand she could barely believe it, having come from a small town that looked like it would fit in the building a couple of times over. She had asked around, and apparently it was fine for anyone, from Duke to pauper, to walk straight in the front door and petition the King. As long as it was a Thursday.

 She felt timid as she made her way past some large marble pillars and in through the open front doors. A long queue was already forming inside, made up of a varied bunch of people. She looked around, the place was magnificent. A huge candelabra hung from the ceiling over a double staircase leading to the first floor. The staircase itself was ornately ornamented and embellished with silver. Several guards were standing to attention, pikes in hand, watching over the queue, which was leading away from the staircase, down a hall to the left.

 Annabelle joined the back of the queue and began waiting. It wasn’t long before the line had lengthened even more and lead straight out the door. A plump, red faced man a few people ahead of her appeared to be getting impatient, and brusquely asked the nearest guard what was going on. Apparently the queue hadn’t moved since he’d arrived.

“I’m sorry sir, Kings not here yet apparently. I’m sure he’ll be here soon”.

“He better be” the man muttered.

The guard raised an eyebrow, “You think a King should rush on your behalf? Who are you? The queen of Hargen?”

The man had the decency to look abashed, but muttered something in his defence too quietly for Annabelle to hear.

Time passed, and Annabelle waited. And waited. And waited. At least three-quarters of an hour passed and the queue hadn’t even moved slighty. The only notable change was the red-faced man had slowly gotten redder, whilst his muttering got slighty louder.

 Eventually a man wearing turquoise robes, loosely clasped at the front covering some of the dirtiest overalls Annabelle had ever seen walked in through the front door. He headed past the end of the queue walking towards the main chamber. Whilst he appeared scruffy, especially contrasted against the pristine guards, the man was obviously important, as nobody told him to stop. As he came closer Annabelle noted the clasps were solid silver. So he was an important man with money. As he passed Annabelle leaned out of the queue slightly to speak to him.

“Excuse me sir, I’m sorry to bother you, I was just wondering if you knew what was taking so long? The queue hasn’t moved in nearly an hour.”

The man started, and looked at her.  “Hello” he said, almost in a probing way.

‘oh good’ Annabelle thought. The man is a fool.

“Can you see me?” he asked.

She looked around, and then back at the man. “erm…. Yes?”

“interesting….” He stroked his chin, rasping a thin layer of stubble firmly stuck there.

“Why would you ask that?” Annabelle queried.

“Why not ask them..” he said waving to the people standing around her “… if they can see me”.

Annabelle sighed. An Idiot. Back in the village she had gotten used to dealing with old Thesp, who was “Brain addled” her mother called it. She thought she’d better just play along with his fantasy. Turning to the woman standing behind her she asked “Can you see him?” waving her arm in the mans direction.

The woman looked along where she pointed, apparently looking straight through where he stood. “See who dear?”

Annabelle looked stunned for a minute before replying “Nevermind”. The man spoke to her as she looked back around at him.

 “To answer your question, the king is running late. I’m sure he sends his apologies. Now, let me ask you a question. Would you happen to be a sorcerer? Possibly a Witch? Wizard? Hag? Maybe a transmuted phoenix in disguise?” He inquired stepping closer to her.

 “You’re invisible” she said.

“not just invisible, nobody else around you can hear me either. I was just sneaking in, hence why I was surprised you spoke to me”.

“who are you?”

“I’m…” He paused for a moment before continuing “I’m the court wizard. Just running a bit late after a busy morning. In fact I really need to go but…” He reached into a large pouch fastened to his belt and pulled out a single coin. He handed it to Annabelle telling her “Listen, I’d really like to speak to you about why you can see me, but I have to run. This is my little token. Show it to anybody in the palace and they’ll sort it out so you can come and see me. Oh and whatever you do, don’t give it to anybody else. It’s yours to keep.” And with that, he ran off down the hall, past the end of the queue and into the Kings meeting chamber.

Annabelle looking down at the coin in her hand. It wasn’t the currency of the kingdom, which was mostly bronze coloured coins with various crowns, lions and dragons stamped onto them. This felt like solid silver, and had a “+” protruding from the surface on one side, and a “~” on the other. The area that wasn’t raised appeared to have been painted with a turquoise enamel paint, so it was blue, all except for the two symbols and the coins rim. She quickly stuck it in her pocket with her coin purse, suddenly realising how much the silver in the coin must be worth. Looking around she noticed that everybody else near her in the queue was now staring at her.

To them she had not only just had a full conversation with thin air, but then proceeded to pull a coin from that very same nothingness.

 She hunched down away from their stares, and luckily nobody spoke to her, until eventually they had all lost interest in her again.

A bit more time passed, maybe 5 or 10 minutes, before she heard a ruckus coming from the Kings chambers. There was a huge crash and the sound of many people hurrying about before, eventually, a small, portly gentleman with a moustache emerged from the chamber and addressed the queue.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I know you have been waiting a long time but I’m afraid something urgent has come up. The King has had to leave immediately so he won’t be able to see any of you today. Hopefully, if you come back in a week or two, everything will be back to normal. Once again, I apologise profusely.”

 The queue began to break up almost immediately, with some heading towards the door, and others heading to speak to the man to complain. Annabelle didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t wait a week or two. She needed to ask for the Kings help, and whilst the matter at hand could wait a week, it had taken her half her money just to travel up to the city. She couldn’t afford a place to stay, and still get home again. Maybe… maybe if she spoke with the man… begged him to let her see the king tomorrow or the day after, even though he didn’t do audiences on those days, maybe she could afford one or two nights. Having made up her mind she set out to the crowd gathered around the moustachioed man and waited from them to slowly disperse. He was very quick in dealing the people, mostly telling them to come back in a week, but some of them he told to come back later, where he’d deal with their problem himself.

 The crowd thinned, and eventually it was just Annabelle and the man, standing at the doorway to the chamber. “Look” he said “I’m sure your problems can wait a week, and if not, come back on Monday when the vice-chancellor will be taking audience in the kings name”

“I really can’t wait till Monday, I’ve spent most of what I have travelling here, I can’t afford to stay for more than another day really, isn’t there any way I can see the King?”

“I’m sorry love” he said, in a surprisingly caring way to her “the King has already left, and it’s likely he won’t be back till the middle of next week at the soonest”.

Annabelles’s heart fell. He must have seen the solemn look on her face as he continued “perhaps I can help you? I’m Kaul, the royal valet, so I have enough sway around here if I need to use it.” Annabelle smiled briefly at the kind gesture before the solemn look resumed.

“It’s to do with a matter of a debt…”

“Ah. Bugger.” Kaul replied almost immediately. “Only the king has the power to erase a debt. I really am sorry, you look like a nice lass, but there’s nothing can be done.” Kaul gave her a consoling look and turned to go.

Annabelle had a thought. Maybe that wizard could help her. If he could use magic to teleport her to the King maybe, or allow her to talk to him from afar, that would be all she needed. She just needed the Kings word, nothing more.

 “Wait, if I can’t see the King, can I see the court wizard?”

 Kaul turned round, brows furrowed “Court wizard?”

“Yes, he gave me this” she said, pulling out the little token.

He looked away from her, an angry look crossing his face, muttering “court-bloody-wizard indeed”.  He turned back to her, obviously fighting to keep his temper in check “I am afraid to say that the ‘court wizard’ is with the king.” Kaul spoke, each word punctuated with barely conceledanger at the wizard “where did you get that coin lass?”

Annabelle suddenly felt a bit timid what with the angry question. “He gave it to me.”

“Gave it to you? The wizard?”

“Yes.”

Kaul sighed and rubbed his temples. “He really should not have done that. Listen if you give me it back, I’ll give you a few copper to help cover your way home”

She gripped the coin tightly in her hand. Suddenly the timidness seemed to flow away. The wizard had definitely said the coin was hers to keep, and very definitely told her not to give it to anybody else. “No. He told me the token is mine. And he said that if I showed you to anybody in the palace, they would have to help me see him.”

 Kaul was going red in the face “Bugger and bloody balderdash! Well what do you want to do? Wait right here for him for a week?”

“Maybe.”

Fuming, Kaul waved to one of the nearby guards. “Take this young lady down to the kitchens, have them get her some food whilst they make her up a bedroom. It looks like she’ll be staying with us until the King returns.” He gave her one final look, more annoyance then real hatred, and walked off into the chamber, which looked to be a foray of both hussle and bussle.

 Annabelle was shocked. Usually her stubborn temperament got her into more trouble, rather than a week’s stay at a palace. Not that she’d ever been in a palace before.

 The guard, a decent looking young man of maybe 20 to 25, turned to her. “If you’ll follow me ma’am I’ll take you down to the kitchens now.” And with that, she was lead off, deeper into the palace, still clutching her coin.

About an hour before (Ben)

Ben brought the hammer down hard onto the hot iron, again and again and again. It was starting to take the form of a sword, the metal curving down towards where the sharp of the blade would be. He lifted it off the anvil and inspected it. Not his finest work but he was only really playing at the moment, testing a new technique to fold the iron. He stuck the thing back into the forge and stretched. Smithing pulled at muscles he wasn’t even sure should be able to ache, but he enjoyed it. He wasn’t the best smith around, and technically had never even qualified as a master, although he knew his work was good enough, but he just did it as a hobby. He knew how lucky he was to have enough money to own, stock and run a forge as a hobby. Smiling and wiping his dirty hands on a rag he stepped outside to get some air.

The sky was clear, nearly cloudless, and the sun was just cresting its zenith as he looked out over the square outside his… Wait… almost noon already? “Bugger!” he yelled, throwing the rag, that turned out to be his shirt, on, and running through the forge, in to his house by the connecting door. He grabbed a piece of bread off the kitchen table and rammed it into his mouth. Running towards the front door he grabbed his turquoise robe off of the hat stand, and went out through the door, heading up towards the palace. It was a good thing he lived so close, but Kaul was still going to yell at him for being late for the Kings audience. He chewed and swallowed the bread in a few gulps as he ran down the few alleyways between his house and palace, but soon was muttering under his breath. “Incanto, exibus, Moriutum, forthen…”

 He slowed as he reached the palace. The queue for an audience with the king was already out of the door and down the big marble steps. He shimmied up the steps and waved to the queue as he passed them, checking he was, as he’d planned, entirely invisible. He walked more casually into the main hall of the palace, only briefly looking at the people queuing before making his way past them.

 Everything was going fine, until suddenly, a young girl, couldn’t be older then sixteen, he thought at first glance, leaned out of the que and said “Excuse me sir, I’m sorry to bother you, I was just wondering if you knew what was taking so long? The queue hasn’t moved in nearly an hour.”

Starting a little he turned to her. She was looking right at him. He scanned the queue with his eyes briefly before looking back at the girl. “Hello”.[ML1] 

She looked at him like he was an idiot.

“Can you see me?” ben asked, curiosity growing mixing with his confusion.

She definitely thought he was an idiot. “Erm… yes?”

Ben scratched his chin. “interesting….”

The girl looked confusedly at him. “Why would you ask that?”

“why not ask them..” Ben replied, point idly at the crowd.

The girl sighed in a pained ‘ok I’ll play along’ sort of a way. She turned to the lady next to her and asked her the question. As she spoke to the lady Ben took the chance to have a good look at her. She was, maybe 5’4” with dark black hair and dark brown eyes. That was unusual, as blue or green was far more common in the Kingdom, and the brown that was around was usually a light hazel, unlike this girl’s very deep brown. There was something about this girl.

“To answer your question, the king is running late. I’m sure he sends his apologies. Now, let me ask you a question. Are you a sorcerer? Witch? Wizard? Hag? Maybe a transmuted phoenix in disguise?” he smiled at the last one, he meant it as a joke, but the girl only looked stunned.

“You’re invisible?” she asked.

“Not just invisible, nobody else around you can hear me either. I was just sneaking in, hence why I was surprised you spoke to me”.

“Who are you?”

“I’m…” Ben paused. He didn’t want to tell her who he really was, it would just cause trouble what with all the people about, but he really wanted to find out who she was and why she could see him. ‘I’ll give her a token’ he thought. “I’m the court wizard. Just running a bit late after a busy morning. In fact, I’ve really to go but…” Ben fished one of the tokens he kept in his belt out and handed it to her. “Listen, I’d really like to speak to you about why you can see me, but I have to run. This is my little token. Show it to anybody in the palace and they’ll sort it out so you can come and see me. Oh and whatever you do, don’t give it to anybody else. It’s yours to keep.”

 Without waiting for a response he set off at a run into the Kings Audience chamber.

The chamber itself was large, with a high, arched ceiling in the middle supported with two rows of columns, and a lower ceiling either side of the columns. A room designed to impress those who entered it. Ben sneered and jogged to the other end of the hall, past what looked like a dukal delegation waiting patiently for the King. At the end of the hall a large silver throne sat on a raised plinth, waiting for a pair of royal buttocks. Ben walked up to the throne, still invisible to the crowd around him, and sat down. He looked around the room, noting who was were in the room. His gaze eventually came to rest on the duke waiting for an audience. Duke Ortiel, an older man, obviously a soldier from his stance, was waiting with his wife and a handful of servants.

Ben took a deep breath and then let the invisibility spell go. The Duke was taken by surprise, whilst Kaul, Ben’s Valet, just rolled his eyes.

 “Yer Majesty” Kaul spoke. Ben look at him, standing at the bottom of the plinth near the duke. Kaul looked Ben dead in the eyes and tapped his head. “We’re in session, yer Majesty”.

Oh right ben thought, He waved a hand near his head and his crown appeared. It had been on his head the whole time, but he tended to hide it when he wasn’t on kingly duties. It was easier to make it invisible then to make it appear and disappear. Kaul nodded and turned back to address the duke.

 “His Majesty, King Benjamin of the Rolling Plains is ready to receive you now yer Grace”.

The Duke nodded, he had a stern, troubled look on his face. “Your Majesty” the Duke said, with a slightly pained bow that suggested the onset of arthritis,  “I am most troubled. We have urgent news, the city of Tarnslad is under attack by a large group of armed men. My wife and I slipped out of the city to come and get support from you and the army. We arrived in the city a day and a half ago, and whilst I expressed the urgency of the matter I needed to discuss with you, I was told I had to wait until Thursday, for that is the only day you hold and audience.”

 Ben sat in stunned silence for a moment. “What?” He looked at Kaul. “Why didn’t you let them see me before?”

Kaul looked as agape as he was. “I’m sorry your majesty. I wasn’t aware of the situation. Everyone who comes to talk to you says its ‘Urgent’ so we just tell everybody to come back Thursday now. Well, everybody who doesn’t have a..”

“Token” Ben finished Kauls thought. “Bugger. Ortiel, I apologise for making you wait, it was a…” he looked at Kaul again who flushed “Miscommunication issue. How long has it been since you left the town? And do you think the cities defences will have held against… how many men were in the attacking force?” he finished, his thoughts running into one.

Ortiel’s stiff posture relaxed slightly, having seen how seriously the King was taking it now he knew. “I’d estimate there were around four to five thousand men, including some horse and bowmen, but mostly foot soldiers. They wore no colours, nor uniform that I’ve ever seen before. We left the town five days ago, it took us three and a half to get here moving at the fastest we could. As for the town’s defences, it has a moat and stone walls running the perimeter of the town. I’d say they’re more likely to try and starve out the townspeople then attack directly.”

 “Thank you, Ortiel. Guardscaptain!” Ben shouted bringing the captain of the royal guard to him at a run. “Go and round up as many guards as we can spare, and get them and Ortiel on the road back to Tarnslad within the hour. Then send a runner into the city, and neighbouring towns to drum up any of the army volunteers you can, and prepare to make ready outside of the city. If I don’t send word within twenty four hours get them marching to Tarnslad at a brisk pace.” He turned to Ortiels wife and continued “Duchess, I know you are not a fighting woman so feel free to stay in the palace until we’ve sorted everything. “Kaul, go and disappoint the nice people waiting outside, I’m afraid I’m going to head straight out and see what I can do.”

 With that Ben strode into the centre of the room. He looked up at the large glass window on the rooms left side and stretched out his hand towards it. “Everybody clear out” he said before clenching his fist and pulling it towards himself. As he did that the window, frame and all, slide from the stone wall and fell to the ground. Rather than smashing, it hit the floor with an enormous thud, lying inert on the floor. Ben ran towards where it lay, beneath the now ‘open’ window, and yelled “Fix that for me would you Kaul” moments before turning into a large, turquoise dragon, and flying straight out of the window.

 Many people in the room stood stunned, until Kaul began yelling “Get to work everybody, you have your orders or you know what to do. And somebody check and see if we have any patrols or scouting parties near Tarnslad. I’m sure his Magesty wouldn’t mind some backup”.

The room exploded into action.

Up in the Air (Ben)

Ben flapped hard to gain height. Up high he found a Jetstream heading south and rode it most of the way to Tarnslad. It was strange to be a dragon. He could feel little, reptilian thoughts doing most of the work to help control his body, but the part that was ‘him’ felt mostly separate to this. He spread his huge turquoise wings either side of him, catching the wind and letting it do most of the work.

Turning his head he could see his whole kingdom from as high as he was. An expanse of greens hemmed in all sides by mountains. That was part of why he had chosen this kingdom, the protection and privacy that the mountains offered. ‘nearly there’ he thought as he saw the meander in the weyn that meant he was close to the mountains. Soon the town itself was in view, a little smudge amoung the green.

 He began circling, gradually loosing height. A dragon’s body could easily take the low pressure and lack of oxygen of high altitude flight, but much like a diver, bad things would happen if he dropped too fast. As the he came closer to the ground the town came into focus. A medium sized walled town, mostly stone houses, with a stone wall and moat. Built before his reign, when the local dukes used to fight amongst themselves, so town defences were critical. With the town now in full view, he could make out the large groups of men, *sniff*, yes, definitely mostly men, by the smell, in camps around surrounding the town, just out of arrow shot. Judging by the debris, it looked like they had been periodically attacking the town, a large battering ram sat idle not far from the camps. There was activity in the camps but nothing more than cooking among fires.

 He made one final circle, checking the  before making the final drop, swooping down to land heavily upon the wall, near a group of the town’s guards, guarding the gate. The guards looked panicked, but quickly pulled out crossbows, and had them levelled at him.

 Ben snorted smoke from his nostrils and dropped the spell binding him into dragon form. The smoke spiralled around him covering him as his body shrank, and claws became hands, and wings became shoulder blades.

 As the smoke slowly cleared he heard a loud clear voice address him. “I am Captain Harkin of the city guard, I know not who you are, or how you did that, but raise your hands and name yourself now or my men will fire.”

 Ben sighed again, this time without the smoke, and raised him hands. He could already feel the magical fatigue behind his eyes. “I am his Majesty King Benjamin Akken, protector of the realm.”

 The captain stepped forward, squinting through the smoke, “A bold claim. Show yourself.”

Ben stepped forwards, hand still raised, and looked the man dead in the face. As recognition passed the captains face he fell to one knee. The other guards followed shortly.

 “Get up, we don’t have time for…” Ben started to say before a hugely loud horn sounded in the camps surrounding the town. “… this. Bollocks. Captain we need to get moving. It seems my, not exactly stealthy, arrival has triggered another assault. Get the men to the walls and keep them at bay.” As the guardsmen got to their feet and readied crossbows and bows by the walls, the captain approached, the King. Ben unbuckled his token pouch and held it up between them. It suddenly started glowing a pale blue, causing the captain to take a step back.

 “Captain, take this pouch, and give one of the tokens to as many men as you can. The magic in them will help protect them from harm, and let me talk to them. Keep one on you, as it will be you I most need to talk to.  Also, who is the most inexperienced of your men here?”

 The captain looked confused by the last part, but took the bag and pulled out a token. “that would be Toby your majesty”.

“Grab toby and send him to me” Ben turned to the wall and began to stare out over the surrounding grassland. He was watching the movements of the men from the besieging force, as they formed up shield walls and began a march on the town. Toby arrived and stood watching him for a moment. “You called for me your majesty?”

“Good, you must be Toby. Go to the main keep, and make your way down to the kitchens. When you’re there, get the staff preparing a great feast. I will need a lot of food when I’ve finished, so at least three whole chickens and a half a pig. Whilst they are at it, they might as well make us a victory feast for the rest of the guards ey?” Ben smiled, turning towards Toby. The boy didn’t look confident, he’d obviously never seen real battle before the siege, and didn’t believe they’d win, but he smiled back anyway. “Yes your majesty, anything else?”

“No” and with that, ben lept up onto the wall and then into the air, once more taking the form of a turquoise dragon. He climbed quickly as he swept towards the enemy forces, making sure to get to a height out of arrows range. He could have easily caused carnage amongst their ranks, but that wasn’t what he was seeking. Swooping around the town he eventually found what he was searching for perched at the top of a hill, where the whole battle could be seen.

 A small group, mostly on horseback, watched over the battle, sending runners to direct any changes in movements. By this point, the shield walls where just getting to

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 [ML1]The reason she thinks he’s an idiot is because it’s a long “hellooooooo” with a query in the tone. Makes him sounds slightly stupid.

--- © Copyright Mark Langridge

[WP] Convince me NOT to read the last line.

From the Reddit Post:
[WP] Convince me NOT to read the last line.

Earned 8 Points

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He swept back her hair with hand and looked into her eyes. The joy in her eyes matched his own. They had made it. She was dirty, sand clung to her skin, but judging by his hand he probably looked the same. Looking back over the desert they had crossed the tracks of their footprints where already starting to disappear. No tracks. No trackers. Freedom.

They turned to the small shanty town and [TO READ THE LAST PARAGRAPH PLEASE SIGN UP TO MY MAILING LIST, SEND A MESSAGE TO DAEKLEDOESNTHAVEAMAILINGLIST@THISISNOTANADDRESS.COM]

[WP] You dream every night about the girl of your dreams. You and her connect on every level and you get excited about falling asleep. Then, one day, you and your SO run into her on the street and she instantly recognizes you too...

From the Reddit Post:
[WP] You dream every night about the girl of your dreams. You and her connect on every level and you get excited about falling asleep. Then, one day, you and your SO run into her on the street and she instantly recognizes you too...

Earned 3 Points.

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"It started when I was small."

"The dreams came, and she was there. Red hair, freckles, and a smile. I could never remember the eyes or the rest when I woke up,

but I knew it was her by those. She was my age, it started when I was maybe 3 or 4, but she always aged with me."

"She was my first crush, 'Girl of my dreams'. I'd go sleep, and she'd be there, and we'd play. It wasn't the same as with my friends when I was awake, as it was a dream. I knew it was a dream. We could do anything. "

"I still remember the best castle we ever made. It was massive, and it had a moat and a dragon. She was my princess, and I her brave knight."

"I told my mother about her when I 6. She always spoke of her as my imaginary friend, which I always though was wrong. Imaginary friends are a daytime thing. She was my dream-girl."

"In my teens I grew depressed, as no women would ever live up to her. I met girls in the day, some very beautiful, but none like her. I still didn't know her name. "

"When I dreamed we never spoke. I knew what she was thinking instinctively. Obviously because it was just my brain making her up, but it didn't change the fact I loved her. "

"I was 24 when I met your mother. She was quite the beauty in her day you know."

"She'll be along in a minute Dad." The younger man leaned over the bed and wiped his fathers brow.

"Well, she already knows this story, so I'll keep telling it to you, and if she wants to here it as well I'll tell it again."

The son smiled. It was so like his dad to assume everybody was interested in him.

"Where was I? Ah yes your mother. She was a cracking good looking girl when she was younger. We met in my last year at university. She hated me instantly. Thought I was full of myself. Took me ages to convince her I was as wonderful as I am." The old man smiled at the memory. "She was jealous at first. At bedtime she'd taunt me, tell me I was visiting the other woman. I knew she was making a joke to hide the hurt, but it's not like I was doing it on purpose."

"After we started dating, the dreams of the girl changed. In our teens we were.. well I'll spare the details and use the word 'frisky'.."

"Dad, please"

"..but now things were more demure after I met your mother. A little more... distant. We'd just sit next to each other on a grassy hill, and enjoy the scenery. I still loved her but we never felt as close again. As things progressed with your mother, we got married when I was 27, and had you two years later"

"Dad, I do love your stories, but why are you telling me this story now?"

The older man ignored him, and carried on "I still dream of her even now. But after so many years when I sleep I dream that I'm on one hill, and I can see her on another hill nearby. She just sits there, and we watch the scenery, and each other. She's older now. She has less wrinkles than me, and her hair has faded to a coppery colour, but I still recognise her, even if I can't remember her eyes when I wake up."

The older man coughed. And then continued coughing. His son passed him a tissue to cough into. His eyes began to sting as he caught sight of the blood in the tissue.

As the coughing subsided, and his dad lay back in bed, he decided to ask again "Why are you telling me this story dad. It's not that I'm not interested, but it feels a bit.. personal isn't it?"

The father smiled, and spoke again, this time slightly wheezy. "Well, your mother knows the story, but she won't live forever. and I thought... after I'm gone, I'd like somebody to remember her. And your sister would never sit through a story this long."

"Yeah, she has her mothers patience and her fathers ego." he said looking at his fathers haggard face.

"And you got my bad jokes, and your mothers common sense." They smiled together.

The door opened and a middle aged women walked in, followed by a girl in her teens. He muttered "speak of the devil... Hi mum, sis". The son got up and walked around the bed to hug his mother, in which time his sister slipped in and stole his chair."

"Hello old man, you look terrible" she beamed down at him. He knew it was just a strong front she put on when she saw him. He was glad, as it would have broken his heart to see her cry.

"What have you two been up to?" the older woman asked.

"Not much" answered the son. "Dad was telling me a story about a red-head".

Mother gave man in the bed a look "Oh was he now?". She had been crying. She'd done her makup again, but there was redness in her eyes. He hated making her cry.

"And I was nearly finished" he was wheezing a lot more now. "As I was saying we're distant these days but she's still there, when I dream." He looked at his wife "And you're still jealous of her" he smiled. "You know I chose you."

"Only because she was imaginary dear" but she had a half smile when she said it.

He was breathing heavily at this point, almost gasping for breath.

"Dad are you alright? you've gone really pale" the daughter spoke this time. It was unusual for her to drop her care-free facade.

"Just the cancer making it hard to breath" he wheezed, before sitting up into a coughing fit. When the coughing subsided he was

struggling to breath and white as a sheet. After ten seconds had passed it seemed to be getting worse. The mother looked at her daughter "pull the emergency bell".

A few moments later a siren was going off in the hall, and in under a minute a crash team came through the door. A slightly older nurse, maybe in her early fifties with bright coppery hair, and a younger man carrying a box of equipment.

They rushed over to the bed, the family moving out the way to one side when the nurse suddenly stopped. "You!?"

He looked her in the face, struggeling for air, but astonished at what he saw. It was her.

The younger fellow got to work, pulling his night gown off and listening to his chest with a stethoscope. "Alright nurse both lungs are filling with fluid we're going to have to drain them and give him oxygen, if you can get me..."

His voice muted into the background of noise, as more people rushed into the room. The man and his dream girl were just staring at each other as he struggled to breath. She had brown eyes. How could he forget. He looked at name badge. Sarah, the name never

knew.

He couldn't breath at all at this point. The doctor was doing something to his chest. He felt a pressure in his head and a growing weakness in his left side.

He looked at Sarah one more time and mouthed the words..."I guess you leave me breathless" before everything went black.

© Mark Langridge

[WP] TIL that Earth used to have a moon.

From the Reddit Post:
[WP] TIL that Earth used to have a moon.

Earned 6 Upvotes.
-------------------------------------

Kyre gestured and changed pages.

"Hey Avok, did you know earth used to have a moon?"

Avok looked around. "What? That doesn't make sense, where did it go?"

Avok leaned over and looked at the page.

"Are you sure it means this earth?"

Kyre looked again.

"Oh no, sorry, apparently that was Earth 1. Wow, Earth 2 had four moons. Must've had some crazy seasons".

Avok looked at Kyre.

"Do you ever think before you say things?..."

[WP] The entire world loses all its WiFi, except for one place. Your body is the only WiFi hot-spot on the planet.

From the Reddit Post:
[WP] The entire world loses all its WiFi, except for one place. Your body is the only WiFi hot-spot on the planet.

Earned 12 upvotes.


------------------------------------

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

I leap a barrel and slide under some piping, hiding there for a moment. I can hear there footsteps behinds me, the hoard as I now tend to think of it.

It was the kids. When the wifi dropped out the adults just went back to using ethernet cables and carried on with their lives, but the kids couldn't grasp the concept. "A wire?" one had said "I don't get it". I think the loss of internet had lowered their collective IQ around 50 points.

The footsteps grew closer "He must've ran into that warehouse, I have some signal over here!". I take a deep breath and slide out of my hiding place. I hate how easily they can track me. I make it out the back door just as they enter the front, but they see me go. "Guys he just went out the back!" "Hey my cat picture uploaded!"

Running down a back alley I come to a low fence. Six months ago I wouldn't have been able to climb it, but after running so long I vault straight over it. I slow to get my breath back and emerge from the other end of the alley. The hoard is there.

Maybe 300 kids are staring at me, none of them look older than 17. If you've ever walked down the street, seen some hoodies and felt a bit scared to walk past them... magnify it by a thousand and then arm them all with mobile phones and laptops.

None of them move. I'm still breathing heavily.

"He's not running, the wifi signal is dropping out. Get him!"

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

I make for a gap in the crowd, as they start to mob me, whacking me with their phones to motivate me to run. Oh god.

I sprint up the road and the crowd follows me at a jog, uploading selfies of them running, their fitness statistics and tweeting each other a meme about bears.

Well at least one thing has come out of this.

The childhood obesity epidemic is over.

[WP] Barack Obama announces that he will be the last POTUS. He gives a speech explaining why and everyone realizes that he is right.

From the Reddit Post:
[WP] Barack Obama announces that he will be the last POTUS. He gives a speech explaining why and everyone realizes that he is right.

leeets not talk about the upvotes on this one. (sigh ok 1 upvote. unread. I suck. I gettit.)

Not the best thing I ever wrote, I will grant you.
----------------------------------------------

My fellow Americans.

When I began my time in office, I was hopeful. During my first presidential campaign I promised you change. As my first term drew to a close and my second began, people started to question, when will this change be coming?

At every step that I have tried to improve this great nation, the republican party have undermined me. Blocking bills that would transform welfare and healthcare, although we eventually got that one through, and introducing selfish bills that line the pockets of the rich. As I spent more time in office, I realised, this wasn't just a problem of the very rich, but also, of the very stupid. I have faith that the great people of America could, if they worked together, solve all of these problems. Instead you vote in rich white men who have no interest beyond their own self interest.

You see, I have hidden the truth from you for a long time America. I am smart. Much smarter than the average american. My IQ is somewhere in the high 160s, although I am intelligent enough to know this is just a number.

Over the last few years I have come to realise. Changing bills, vetoing the bad ones and having to fight for any change will lead us nowhere. And so, as my last act as president I will be making one, great change.

I will be destroying the United States of America. Along with China, India, and parts of Europe and Africa. I will be the last president, of these United States.

It is too late. The bombs are already set, in hidden locations throughout the world, and will go off shortly after the end of this speech. Even if you find one and disarm it, you'll save a few thousand people at most.

You may ask, "Barack, why are you doing this evil thing?"

I have witnessed how tragedy brings people together. I have seen how overpopulation and corruption are ruining this world, and I will not let it go on any more. Those who survive will have to work together to survive.

I have placed fallout shelters stocked with food and water hidden throughout our nation, whilst my contemporaries in Europe and Asia have done the same. To those of you who live, I wish you luck in finding these.

I promised you change America.

Finally, we will have world peace.

[WP] You are indestructible until the last person you love dies.

From the Reddit Post:
[WP] You are indestructible until the last person you love dies.

Earned 2 points. So one person read it! yay!

----------------------------

After along and illustrious career, I knew it was over.

I was a superhero. I saved the people who needed it. When a gas main blew up, I was the guy who went in to look for survivors. Burning buildings. Unexploded bombs. I had lived through them all. I was immortal.

Was.

As I stared down at her body she looked so small. The tears wouldn't come. I just couldn't believe it was over. She was the only one I ever loved.

And that was the secret of my power. As long as someone I truly loved was alive, I could never die. I had met many many people, beautiful people had thrown themselves at me, all after my fame, the "big hero". I had shunned them all.

For me it was only her.

She was growing cold in my arms. My vision started to blur. Here were the tears at last. I stroked her head one last time, wishing she wouldn't go. Leaving me alone.

I looked up as the nurse walked back into the room. "I'm so sorry for your loss, we did everything we could, but she was very old. There wasn't much more we could do."

I just nodded. I knew I would outlive her, of course. I was immortal until she passed. But I never realised it would hurt so much. Damn the fame. Damn the fortune and the praise. I would have given it all back, ALL back, just for one more day with her.

My tears were falling quite freely now, matting up her fur.

"I'll miss you fluffy". I kissed her head, and gently lay her down,in her favourite box, then carried her out the door. I couldn't deal with any more people today.

[WP] At birth every one gets a number assigned to them which determines their threat to humanity. You are number 1,039,474,023. Your newlyborn son is born. His number is 1. This number has never been seen before in all of history.

From the Reddit Post:
[WP] At birth every one gets a number assigned to them which determines their threat to humanity. You are number 1,039,474,023. Your newlyborn son is born. His number is 1. This number has never been seen before in all of history.

Earned 104 upvotes.

This is one of my favourite things that I have written. It was fun to write.

------------------------------------------

It was 9.30 in the morning when Karen's contractions began. I had begun to panic as usual, but in her usual manner, she kept calm whilst I fussed around with her hospital bag making sure we had everything. I had my sleeves rolled up and I remember glancing at the number on my left wrist. 6,492,111,667. The same birthmark everybody had, an indicator of a persons threat to humanity. Mine was an unusually large number, making me as dangerous as a wet-blanket.

You never know Karen had joked, if you hold a wet blanket over somebodies face they might drown. She had said it with a smile. Her threat was under a billion, at 996,104,359, which isn't uncommon in very driven people, such as CEOs of large companies. Karen ran a mid-sized bakery, known for ruthless tactics in both business and baking. It's one of the things I love about her.

Anyway, back to the day in question, we hopped in the car. We had a Ford Mondeo back then, so it wasn't exactly fast, but we made it to the hospital. I remember waiting around for about 3 hours before Karen got a bed. And then things started.

There was some kind of trouble. Something went wrong and.... Karen lost a lot of blood. They told me they had to rush her into surgery and so I wasn't even in the room when she was born.

Jade.

I was standing outside the operating theater; they told me to be nearby so I could see my daughter when she came. I heard the collective gasp. I knew I shouldn't go inside, but I was panicking enough as it was and so was about to burst in when the nurse came out. Wheeling my daughter, in a little trolley.

She told me they still had more to do for Karen, but wanted to let me meet my daughter. She was a healthy 9 pounds.

"Do you want to hold her?" I remember the nurses words clear as day. I picked her up and cooed softly. She was so tiny. She didn't cry, just smacked her lips and went to sleep in my arms. Even though I was worried about Karen I couldn't help but smile. She was perfect.

Then I remembered the gasp. "What did you all gasp about?" I asked the nurse. A worried look had crossed her face and she pointed to her left wrist. I remember her number clearly too, 3,823,495,644. A reasonable number for a healthcare worker. She replied "See for yourself".

I unwrapped Jade gently, although we hadn't given her a name at that point. Her wrists were so small. On her left wrist, just under the heel of her thumb, was the number.

1.

Looking down at her I knew. I knew in that moment she was going to have trouble throughout her whole life because of that number. People would try and hurt her, people may even try and kill her, all because of that number.

And even if she ended up killing every person alive, it didn't matter to me.

Because she was my daughter.

And I would do anything to protect her.

I took hold of her little hand. She was still fast asleep at this point, and I kissed her on her head. She had quite a thick head of hair, and I remember how soft it was. As I kissed her I whispered to her "I promise, daddy will always be here for you".

And then I looked at my daughter again, and back to her hand. Where the number sat just under her wrist.

2.

"what?!?" I had actually exclaimed that out loud. She woke up a bit and grisled into my chest before falling asleep again. The nurse asked me what was the matter, and so I showed her. She couldn't believe it either. Her number had changed. Both of us had seen the number 1 had turned into a 2. And neither of us had ever heard of anybodies threat level changing.

So we did the obvious things, we looked at our own wrists.

Hers was 3,823,495,644. Still a reasonable number for a healthcare worker.

Mine was 1.

© Mark Langridge

[WP] Write a generic fantasy tale... But instead of knights in shining armor the era is trench warfare.

From the Reddit Post:
[WP] Write a generic fantasy tale... But instead of knights in shining armor the era is trench warfare.

Earned 1 point (oh god that means nobody read it!)
Eh, it was alright. the main post wasn't very popular anyway. Nevermind, I will still archive it here:

----------------------------------

  When he was young his mother had read him tales of great heroes. Knights in shining armour, damsels in distress, and dragons to slay. The dragons were all dead now, but he always wanted to be a hero, save the girl.
  When the war broke out he had known what he had to do. Sign up, get trained, and help to protect the ones he loves from the evil of the enemy. It was his time.
  He tied the final bandage around his compatriots arm. He had lost a lot of blood, but at least he managed to crawl back to the trench.

  Leaning against the dirt wall he picked up his weapon. Not a sword and shield, like he played with as a boy, but a single-action clip-fed rifle. With no clips. He drew his bayonet and affixed it, humming a few bars of his company song.
And so we rise
And so we fall
We stand for our loved
Giv-ing our all

The sounds of battle broke louder. The cries, the gunfire, the sounds of men in pain.
His men.

  His sergeant ordered he wait behind during the charge. "I'll be damned if I start sending boys to do men's work" the sarge had said. He felt that unfair. At 15 he was practically a man already. But he had handed over his spare ammunition anyway.

  He could hear them screaming for help in no-mans land. And he knew what he had to do.
Looking up to the skies from between the dirt walls he said a short prayer. His company banner still stood, snapping in the wind.

  He took a breath and donned his helmet, mind made up.

  He charged up the ladder, and out into open land....


... awarded the medal of honour posthumously for conspicuous gallantry and devotion to duty. The Private in question charged a fortified enemy position alone, taking down several of their soldiers with his bayonet, following up by dragging four wounded comrades back to the allied trenches before succumbing to his own wounds.
His heroism saved the lives of four others, and vitally aided in stopping the enemy advance. You should be proud of your son.
His Majesties secretariat, ......

 © Mark Langridge

[WP] Everyone on Earth has vanished, except you and a bloodthirsty android on the other side of the world. A game of hide-and-seek ensues, where you have to avoid being killed by the android. He's coming.....

From the Reddit Post:
[WP] Everyone on Earth has vanished, except you and a bloodthirsty android on the other side of the world. A game of hide-and-seek ensues, where you have to avoid being killed by the android. He's coming.....

Earned 19 Upvotes.

-----------------------------------

I punched the co-ordinates into the computer, taking them right off the tracking application on my phone.

He was in Belgium, tens of thousands of miles away. "you're going down this time you bastard", and I smiled as I knew it was true.

Sixteen years he had chased me. I say "He" but he was really an "It". A crazy android, and it was hunting me. I had nicknamed him Sean after my crazy ex, and then started calling him Sean Bean, because no matter how many times I killed him, he always came back.

The tracker app blinked. Still in Belgium. Following the false trail I'd left him through europe. I'd miss europe after this but it didn't matter too much.

A few more buttons aaand.... the countdown started. 2 minutes and the nukes would launch. I was going to be thorough this time. Belgium, Germany, France and the surrounding countries where going to be wastelands. I knew it would fuck up the weather but I'd stocked anti-radiation pills, food and enough water to last 30 years. I was going to be fine.

50 seconds left to go. Still in Belgium. I knew it was really him as the tracker was built in to his main CPU unit so it had to be him.

30 seconds to go. I was getting nervous. Was I making the right choice? I mean, I might have enough food and water but what if after Sean is destroyed the people come back? I had never worked out where they went.

15 seconds. No. this was the right choice. Sean had to die and I was going to make it so.

I sighed. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

I could hear the missiles engines roaring to life and sending it out of the silo. All over the country similar missiles were launching.

A few more minutes. I felt sick.

I watched on the weather satellite as a series of huge events happened all over europe. Even if I didn't hit him directly (which I was pretty sure I had), the EM blast and high radiation should fry his CPU. Computers are far more delicate than some people think.

The flashing point on the tracking device went out. That was it. "I'm safe" I said out loud, barely believing it. I broke into a giant grin. I hadn't been able to relax in years, and it took destroying europe to get me there.

"Well, I guess I'm back to dinner for one" I said looking over at my piles of tinned food.

The intercom buzzed.

I froze.

"HANNAH. HANNAH I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE HANNAH. LET ME IN HANNAH, I LOVE YOU HANNAH COME TO ME HANNAH....."

I punched the external security cameras up. Standing outside the giant blast doors was Sean.

Except it wasn't the Sean I knew. It looked like he had ripped out his entire chest piece and replaced his CPU entirely.

"Shit"....

© Mark Langridge