When meeting a future version of you, never assume this is your first meeting.

Another writing prompt. This time on meeting your future self.
[WP] "Rule #1 of meeting a future version of you: Never assume that this is your first meeting."

This one was worth 11 upvotes. I felt like it was worth more, but it is silly and crass and thats what makes me smile.

So I hope you enjoy. You non-existent reader-in-potentia

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"Is a wa" ... "I derba" we spoke at the same time.
The older me indicated I should speak first. I guessed he was older as I don't remember being him before. Plus his glasses looked different.
I continued. "Is it masturbating if I jerk you off?"
I looked him sternly in the eyes.
He seemed confused and I grew worried. I had said the current code word, so if he was a future me he should know it.
"I am not sure what you are on about" his face creased with confusion. "What about the Bra and Panties I bought you Last Tuesday? Are you wearing them?"
I looked around in utter disbelief. If this was another code word I had no idea....
And then it struck me. I had been warned.
If you ever enquire about your underware, kill you. I had told myself.
He must have seen the look cross my face, as even though I reached for my gun first, he managed to activate his transponder before I drew, and was away.
DAMMIT. I pulled out my communicator "Dispatch, come in, this is a Class 69 multiverse emergency. I have just met a Me who asked about my underwear. I believe it to be one of us from one of the Parallel timelines. You know. The ones gone... bad. over."
My voice crackled over the radio "I hear you. We'll send some other Us out to help you track this Me, over"
"Thanks Dispatch, over"
The radio crackled quietly for a moment before dispatch spoke again. "Erm.. quick question, Is it masturbating if I jerk you off?"
I smiled, he had to ask to be sure I hadn't been overpowered by the other me. I remember asking me in fact. It had surprised me back then, as one of the earliest me, to learn that all across space and time, were my future versions exchanging crass commentary. Well , I had supposed, they are me, and I do have a somewhat dirty sense of humour.
"Only if you don't look me in the eye whilst your doing it dispatch. Over."
I heard the sigh. "The agents are on there way. Over and out".
....

--- © Copyright Mark Langridge